Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
