I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
