I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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