I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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