he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
