Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
