3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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