so that wasnt chicken after all
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Randomize
