How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
they're like a gay fantastic four
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
