You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You dont lie about slip and slides
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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