yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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