Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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