Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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