Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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