I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
