since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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