Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
