Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
