I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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