areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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