They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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