You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
