You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
