I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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