Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
