Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
