His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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