i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
