i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize