I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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