Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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