in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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