last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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