Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
