a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My nipple is on Facebook.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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