shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
