the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize