Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
