you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
