You can't motorboat a personality
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
