i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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