Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
