the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
