Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
