I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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