I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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