I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
