Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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