just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
