So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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