Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
