Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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