No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
