her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
