Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
