Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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