I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
