Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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