Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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