I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
