apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
