We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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