A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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