Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
