Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
