Quick, to the slutcave!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
