walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
