I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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