Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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