Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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