Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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