Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
