i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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