your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He had one of those small greek statue penises
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
