think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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