He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
