i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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