found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize