I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
