I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
