I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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