She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
