Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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