I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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