her vagine was all disorganized.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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