my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
