I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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