She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
