My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
