everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize